The 6 Times Ian Kabra Loses His Heart
by Tamer of Light
Summary: AU. The first time he lost it was to a pretty little red-haired girl with eyes the color of dewy green grass under the fresh morning sun.
1. paper heart

The first time he lost it was to a pretty little red-haired girl with eyes the color of dewy green grass under the fresh morning sun. (341)

At only six years old, Ian Kabra knew he was not like the other kids. He played alone, he ate alone and he did his arts and crafts alone.

Neither of his parents seemed worried at the fact that their first child was so quiet and so alone, despite how his kindergarten teacher fretted and frowned at this lonely, little child with the most vibrant pair of amber eyes she had ever seen.

No one should ever be so lonely this early in life, she had urged to his parents. The tall, imposing man had barely glanced her way and the slender, sharp-eyed woman had merely smiled thinly at the parent-teacher conference. Neither said any word more or less on the subject.

But one day, something changed. The teacher sat at her desk, carefully watching each of her students as they worked on their shapes. She had held up a double-curved shape and called it a heart. This, she had told them, was the most important thing in the world. One that every person had inside them and that it was a very special thing to have.

Blue eyes gazed around the room until they came upon an unusual sight. A little red-haired girl had approached Ian Kabra. Her eyes, the color of gleaming emeralds, were wide and curious as she watched him try to mimic their teacher's paper heart.

She watched as Amy Cahill shook her head and shot him a toothy grin, before plucking the jagged-edged, odd-shaped heart he had made and softening it into a closer figure to the one on display.

The handsome boy watched how the pretty girl maneuvered the purple scissors around his paper heart, his eyes gaining more life than the teacher had ever seen since he arrived in her class.

Maybe, the teacher had thought at the end of that day as she watched the new friends play in the sand box together, their sounds of giggles and laughter intertwining and dancing like whimsical musical notes, Ian Kabra had just found _his_ heart.


	2. heart lollipops

The second time he lost it was having a panic attack behind a tree. (504)

"Just do it already," a pair of amber eyes rolled skyward.

A frown formed. "I can't just give it to her!"

His lips pursed contemplatively, imagining the twin looks of shame his parents would have if they ever knew their son couldn't even give a girl a stupid piece of candy.

Then again, he thought broodingly, they probably wouldn't be too happy that he even wanted to.

It was Valentine's Day and at only eleven years old, Ian Kabra was a coward.

"I already said I wouldn't tell Mum. Would you just do it?" The voice to his right remarked with impatient exasperation.

And at eight years old, his little sister, Natalie, was still as incredibly annoying as the day she was born and had screamed bloody murder in his eardrums.

The Kabra siblings stood outside a school, both in their school uniforms. Ian had begged his mother to let them walk home with the sole purpose of stopping by a certain red-haired girl's school. Isabel Kabra had been too busy to care and simply given him permission just to get him out of her office.

He knew if she knew about his secret mission, she would have never get within a mile radius of the school. Public schools, she had once told them with a disgusted face, are filthy places for children who can't afford better.

"Hi Ian," a soft voice ventured into his range, forcing him to jerk his head up in surprise.

But in his opinion, Amy Cahill was fairly clean and she was pretty. Faint freckles covered her pale skin as her viridian eyes brightened at the sight of him. Or at least, he hoped, she was happier because of him.

"What are you doing here?" Her brow wrinkled in confusion as she glanced between the siblings, her fingers tugging on the straps of her backpack.

"I-Um, here-I-" His voice stammered briefly, before a faint blush crawled over his tanned cheeks. "Here!" Swiftly shoving a brown paper bag into her hands, he jumped away just as quick as if the bag had burned him.

He sharply glanced away, avoiding her gaze and ignoring Natalie's snickers as he heard the crinkle of the bag being opened.

Then a faint brush of lips against his cheek and his head whipped around, eyes wide. Amy stood there, her eyes a soft green and a similar rosy tint on her face. "Thanks," she whispered shyly, clutching the bouquet of heart lollipops and the brown paper bag with the paper heart glued on it.

"Amy!" A voice from far away called, breaking their staring contest.

Her face formed a frown as she turned back toward him, her face apologetic. "I have to go. Bye Ian!" And as she raced away, still holding onto her (_his_) gifts tightly, his gaze remained on her.

"Come on, Romeo." Natalie rolled her eyes, amused as she dragged her lovesick brother away.

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**Notes:** Just addressing a review - this story is AU of course because yes, it's highly unlikely Amy & Ian would have ever been in the same class. This story is meant to show particular moments in Ian's life so I tried to cover specific ages. And also, thank you for the reviews, reads and such! Chapter 2 is my least favorite and in my opinion, it definitely gets better after.


	3. a broken heart

The third time he lost it was because she found someone else. (376)

Amber eyes hid behind dark sunglasses as he leaned against his car, arms crossed.

He watched how she laughed and smiled, apple green eyes shining under the glaring sunlight. How happy she looked.

But more importantly, he saw how her hand was attached to a lanky boy with dreadful glasses and wild red hair. And it made his heart churn painfully. How she found happiness with someone else.

Evan Tolliver.

A hideous name to go with his hideous face. Ian glared at him, mentally imagining how he could snap the boy like a toothpick if he wanted to - or at least hire any one of the hundreds of assassins he knew.

But, he thought with an exasperated sigh, Amy would never forgive him.

He had been at home in England when he heard the news of this new _boy toy_ of Amy Cahill's. How she had had a crush on him for so long and how _sickeningly_ adorable they were. He almost wanted to strangle Sinead Starling at one point.

Every day when he found a moment to himself, his mind tore at him viciously. _You could have had her if you had just gone._ And every time, like clockwork, he threw something at the wall.

The anguish that coursed through his veins throbbed and threatened to cripple him. It shouldn't hurt this much. She was just a girl. Just a girl he had known since they were kids. Just a girl who had helped him feel something for the first time in his life. Just a simple girl who was pretty, kind, intelligent, stubborn and strong.

A simple girl who had _forgotten_ him.

For a moment, he laughed at the bitter irony. The great Ian Kabra was head over heels in love with a girl who didn't want him back, who had moved on. A splash of liquid burned behind closed eyelids, but he ignored it. His fist clenched for a brief second, fingers digging sharply into his skin, before he slowly released his grip. A paper heart laid crumpled on the palm of his hand.

Maybe he wasn't the fearless Lucian leader everyone thought he was.

Taking one last glance at her, he climbed back into the car and left the heart behind.

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**Notes:** So.. I hope everyone read _Rapid Fire: Crushed_ because that's what the part about him could've having her is about. Uh, if not, I can explain it in the next chapter or Google's your bff. Just ask! I don't know if I need to point it out or anything, but these are all meant to be short so yup, there ya go. Thank you for reading - especially if you reviewed! :)


	4. heart of hope

The fourth time he lost it was when pretty eyes the color of the summer sea looked up at him. (389)

She was sitting in a quaint little cafe, her booth tucked away in the corner where it was quieter and private. She had changed, he noted.

Auburn hair tucked into a messy side braid and a soft knit hat perched on her head. Clad in a pea coat, long dress and boots, she didn't look an inch of the Amy Cahill he had known since they were six. No, she looked even better.

He had come in after class to find shelter from the bitter Cambridge cold. Going to university in America had been good for him, but there were days where he missed the country air of England and sometimes, Natalie - when she wasn't calling him to nag about when he was going to stop hiding in the states and come home.

For some time, he had known they were attending the same school, but with thousands of students between them, he never shared any classes with her, never bumped into her, never saw a glance of red. Ian watched her for a long minute, standing oblivious to his surroundings until someone brushed past him for the exit.

The last time he had seen her was nearly two years ago after the Vespers incident. Everyone had moved on. At first, they only ever saw each other at branch meetings, but eventually, he began sending Natalie in his stead, not wanting to face her. Not wanting to see her attached to someone else's arm - again.

But she had grown even more beautiful with time.

_You hesitated before and you lost your chance. Are you going to let her go again?_ A voice whispered meaningfully, the painful reminder fresh in his mind of those that came after Evan Tolliver.

Taking a careful hold of his coffee as he shuffled his books into the crook of his arm, he approached her table. The uncertainty that hummed in his body was something new as he swallowed the hard lump in his throat.

"Hello, love."

The nickname fell abruptly from his lips before he could stop it, rusty from being so unused, but easy because _she_ was the only one he would use it for.

But the bright smile and tender jade eyes that met his apprehensive gaze were more than enough to ignite something in his heart that Ian Kabra thought he would never feel.

_Hope._

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**Notes:** A cupcake for you if you know what school they go to! And _Rapid Fire: Crushed_ is about Ian. He's about to go see Amy, but a visit from dear ol' mum makes him hesitate and doubt so he backs out of seeing her.


	5. forever lost

**Notes: **This is the end, but thank you very, very much for reading, reviewing or even looking at this story. Oh, and the university they went to was Harvard.

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The fifth and last time he lost it was when she said _yes_. (612)

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"And do you take this woman to have and to hold from this day forward, for better and for worse, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, 'till death do you part?"

His hands tightened around her smaller ones as the groom murmured. "I do."

"You may now kiss the bride."

Cupping her glowing face, eyes twinkling with unshed tears, he pressed his forehead against hers before capturing her lips in a searing kiss.

"Now I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Kabra."

And Ian Kabra felt his heart burst with unfathomable happiness.

Holding her hand, they proceeded down the aisle, smiling at family and friends and more often than not, at each other. Along the way, tiny bits and pieces of white began to rain on them as they walked. Curious, he reached up to catch a few in a fist before opening his hand.

Paper hearts.

He looked at Amy in surprise, eyes wide and questioning.

"You didn't think I forgot, did you?" A dimpled smile tugged at her lips as she gave his hand a light squeeze. A few loose curls were caught in the breeze from beneath the small glittering tiara that sat delicately on the crown of her head.

Lifting the ivory hand he held, he pulled open her fingers, causing her head to drop down in confusion. He dropped two hearts in her palm before covering her fingers with his. Amber met emerald.

"It's always been yours." His words were faint, meant only for her ears before they were carried away with the wind.

Oblivious to the cheering crowd, she twined her arms around his neck and on the tips of her heels, her lips met his.

* * *

Fifteen feet away, a teacher still sat in her chair, knowing blue eyes watched her former students. She recalled how on the last day of kindergarten, she had sat down beside little Ian Kabra as they waited for his parents. You know, she had begun. Your heart is a very special thing. He had nodded, remembering her words from so long ago.

And someday you'll lose it, she then told him. His head jerked up to look at her in innocent confusion. His fingers unconsciously grazed the white paper heart that was glued to the back of his backpack, away from his parents' prying attention.

But I don't want to lose it, he had whispered, a sudden sadness in his tone as he traced the crooked shape. She had simply smiled. You won't have a choice, she replied. It might hurt for awhile, but I'll tell you a secret. Then she crooked a finger and leaned in as if they were conspiring. One day, when you lose it, you will be very happy.

He stared at her, wide-eyed and curious. I'll be happy when I lose my heart, he repeated the words as if they would make more sense the second time around in his young mind.

And those were his last words to her, before his parents arrived and she never saw him again until his wedding day. To the same pretty little red-haired girl.

As if remembering her words from years ago, Ian Kabra raised his head and turned around. His piercing gaze swept the crowds of guests until he found his target.

Then he smiled at his first school teacher. A rare thing for Ian Kabra, she remembered well.

She raised a worn hand and gave him a slight wave and a significant wink. He laughed, before nudging the girl (_woman_, her mind mentally corrected her) beside him. Bright eyes turned toward her and the burst of joy on her face was iridescent.

Twenty years ago to this day, Ian Kabra had lost his heart to Amy Cahill.


	6. colors

**Day 7:** (S)equel

_The sixth time Ian Kabra lost his heart was when he discovered gold._

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His favorite color was the shade of green that were her eyes. How they glimmered with flecks of copper and earth in the sunlight, matching the soft smile that would be on her face when she came home. He would hold her close and bury his fingers in auburn tendrils as she told him about her day.

But when slender fingers reached out to yank hard on his cashmere sweater and he was forced down to her eye level, her eyes were a fierce forest green that seemed to burn a hole right through his exterior. Her alabaster skin had splotches of red as harsh puffs of air steadily blew out from her lips and her hair, in a haphazard braid, was matted with sweat.

"I hate you, Ian Kabra." She gritted out between clenched teeth as her eyes squeezed shut, face contorting with pain. Her skin dropped several shades paler as her hand gripped his tighter. He winced at the pressure, but dared not let it show on his face as he continued to murmur soft words of encouragement into her ear.

"Come on, love," His lips pressed to the side of her head, brushing away her bangs. "Almost there," he rubbed his thumb up and down her heated cheek when her head flew back against the pillows and whimpers spilled out. Ian gnawed on his bottom lip as she screamed out again, each cry twisting his heart in a chokehold.

She was in so much pain and he couldn't do anything. Worry and dread crawled into his mind, taunting him all the ways that it could go wrong. What if they lost the baby, what if he lost her, _what if_.

And in the midst of the chaos, there was a piercing cry that rose above everything else.

Liquid swelled in his eyes, obscuring his vision and an overwhelming sensation flooded every nerve in his body. His mind soared high and away from the room, before slamming back down with a startling thump. Suddenly, everything was clearer and brighter and excitement pulsated in the air.

All he could hear were wails and his attention snapped to where the nurse stood with her back to them as she cleaned and pulled out fluffy blankets. He looked down to see his wife collapsed on the pillows, staring up at him with a shaky, tearful smile.

_Are you ready?_

_Finally._

"Here's Mommy," The nurse whispered with a smile as she approached them, before carefully tucking the small bundle into Amy's arms. Exhaustion weighed heavily on her body like a shadow, but it couldn't hide the bliss on her face as she gingerly moved the blankets away.

Their baby, their first child, yawned quietly, shifting in her blankets as an index finger carefully traced her soft skin, absorbing every little action she made. "Hi, baby," his wife whispered, eyes bright with awe when their daughter gripped Amy's hospital gown, tucking herself closer to her mother's warmth. Ian hovered over the bed, leaning his head against Amy's as they watched their baby fidget and move, faint sounds spilling from her rosy lips.

"This is Daddy, Grace," She held up the bundle to him and Ian took a deep breath as he gently shuffled her in his grasp.

She was so light, he could barely feel her underneath all the cloth. His fingers reached up to cup a pink cheek with his palm. She was so, so warm and smooth and tiny. This was their daughter. This beautiful baby girl, they had made together and all he could see was perfection. From the raven wisps of hair and ivory skin to her button nose and long lashes, his little girl was _here_, in his arms. She was quiet, only cooing and humming as he tenderly rocked her.

When she opened her eyes, all the air knocked out of his lungs.

Her eyes were nearly identical to his and he could only stand there, gazing at her with complete wonder. For months, doubts had clouded his mind in an endless fog. He didn't know if he could be a father. He didn't have an example to look to. He didn't have anyone to ask for advice.

But as he stared into glittering gold, he felt her presence curl into every part of his body, warmth and affection spreading from head to toe, from the depths of his heart to the corners of his soul. He didn't know how to be a father, but for this little girl, he would do his best to give her the world and nothing less.

Wide eyes stared back at him, fingers waving and stretching as if she was adjusting to her newfound freedom. He lifted a finger and Grace immediately took a hold of it, bringing forth a smile with familiar dimples embedded in her cheeks.

With Amy's hands covering his, Ian looked between his wife and daughter and suddenly realized that he had been wrong earlier.

He actually had two favorite colors.

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**Notes: **I chose to write a small sequel to 5x for the last day of my Shatterproof countdown because it's very dear to me and as special thanks to everyone who has read and/or enjoyed this. And yes, the title was changed for obvious reasons.


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